I know I’ve neglected this tumblr for the last year, and I can’t say that I’m sorry.
It’s now been ten months since my “D-day” or “discovery day”. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year, but it’s so close that I can almost taste it. The day that I found out about my soon-to-be-ex-husband’s affair, I could not fathom how I would ever make it to the next year. I knew that if I could just get a year under my belt, I’d be fine. It just seemed completely unattainable.
But life happens, and minute by minute, day by day, week by week, you find yourself surviving—not always because you want to, but because you have to. And you start to quickly realize that you wouldn’t change these new memories for anything—that it’s possible to keep moving forward instead of being stuck in the past or plateaued in the present.
Maybe my co-workers can’t tell how much I’ve changed, but I think my family can tell, and so can I. I felt so pathetic and weak in the aftermath of my D-day—everything was an embarrassment or an example of my failure. It spread to my work, my relationships with my friends, my living conditions—just everything. But while I had this image that I had suddenly turned into this girl made of glass, I guess I hadn’t noticed that the opposite was happening. I slowly was becoming fireproof.
I know that some people have worried that I entered a serious relationship so soon after my separation. The truth is that I didn’t plan on it happening—I just wanted a friend in a city where I felt so hopelessly alone. But again—life happens, and I’ve ended up dating an amazing guy. I’m not making any plans or placing any bets—I’m just being…happy. And didn’t Aristotle say that was the main purpose in life? The one thing for which all of humanity strives?
In two months, when it’s finally been a year, I am going to take the biggest sigh of relief, and then the biggest inhalation of pride. It’s going to taste like blue skies and clouds, a glass of lemonade during a southern summer, the perfect new dress on a Friday night, straight A+’s, my mom’s spaghetti and meatballs, West Virginia mountains in the fall when the leaves are changing.
I. Can’t. Wait.
Joe Henry - Time Is a Lion
If you fear the angels above while you sleep
Then I’ll be the blood you paint on your door
Your dream is a worry that nothing will keep, but
time is a story and there will be more
Moving to a new city across the country: Stressful and expensive
Starting a new job: Terrifying
Learning to let go of your past: Daunting
Realizing that you have never enjoyed life more: Unexpected. And priceless.
Instant Crush - Daft Punk Feat. Julian Casablancas